I’ve been quiet so long. I have so much to say. Hello, diary. It’s been a long time. I’ve grown up a lot since I visited your pages last. I love myself a little less. I see others a little more clearly. I don’t understand the world like I once knew I did. I ask the right questions a little more frequently now. I get stuck less, sometimes not. But distress doesn’t control me like it used to. I find myself asking, “How do I use this?” when something doesn’t go the way I want it to. I stay busy. I have found, that every year, I lose more and more family and friends. Which is why I’m here again. A little lost, but I’m okay.
I’ve become very comfortable these last 7 years. I’ve put down roots, but not in a place of my choosing. Of course, money is a struggle and always will be. But, how does someone find themselves important and valuable in the midst the collective people who are all trying to do the same?
I need to feel something. My heart is bleeding dry. I need to dance with closeness. I need to feel the music and be a part of something bigger. I dream of again being one sound in a symphony that speaks as one voice. Perhaps today, at least, if I could have one thing, it would be to connect. Mutually.
Where do I go from here?
10:56 p.m. - 2017-02-13
Recent entries:
Hello, Old Friend - 2017-02-13
Heads or Tails - 2011-01-21
Kindness - 2010-12-03
They've taken a toll, these latter days - 2010-11-16
Written in the Winter of 2009 - 2010-09-19
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