"she couldn�t take it anymore so she smiled and closed the door and was never seen again�
Kiss me with vehement, hold me too tight, I need help believing this is real...
What would your kiss feel like, I wonder. What would the scenery contain. Would it be perfect? ordinary? ...all in all, it doesn�t matter. You�ll be gone before long.
My hunter, you asked me what I wanted from you, irrational or rational and I hesitated. What do I want? Everything. A kiss. A loving embrace. A promise... I want the world from you and everything you�re powerless to give. Love doesn't hurt, so I know I�m not falling in love, I�m just falling to pieces. I want too much and I care little to give you anything in return. Unless, of course, it�s a means to my own end... it�s all for self gain... And one kiss. A simple, gentle, innocent touching of lips. What does it mean... A kiss between you and I would be more than emotional expression. A kiss between us would signify the end of this complicated mess we�re addicted to like drug addicts. What would be be like, I wonder, to get the fix both of us so desperately crave.
Our kiss...
I imagine we�d be in a perfectly romantic setting as we often find ourselves to be in. Our hands would touch, our eyes would meet, there�d be a sudden silence and sudden heat. Our hearts would leap in a giddy whirl. Our eyes would close as we slowly leaned in. In that moment, we�d feel the warmth of each others faces against our own and our breath would catch in anticipation. We�d be so close to one another. Minds, bodies, hearts. A second would pass where the distance between our faces stopped closing in. There would be dubiety before our lips would gently graze each other�s. Time would leave us as we�d take in the softness of this kiss and the beauty of expressing what words cannot say. The passion would be there, a fire ignited. We�d hold each other so close as lovers do and then, as quick as it happened, you and I would pull part. I�d close my eyes to slow my heart, then open them to meet your gaze, seeking to find what I know you can�t form the words the say...
This is what our kiss would be like. This or something like it. But... The under currents. The emotion. What about the things I haven�t told you? I want you so strongly just simply because I can�t have you. Have you noticed?
I hide it so that no one sees. I disguise myself with past events and make myself out to be what I�m not. I�m selfish. I seek out something to chase, something to play with like a child looking for toys. I see people as things... You don�t know this about me yet, but at my inner most human quality, I am nothing more than a personality who uses others for my own gain... What I haven�t said about our kiss is that as our lips touch, I will fill with a sense of empty satisfaction. Satisfaction that I have you as my own in that moment, but the moments itself will fade into memory even as it�s happening. When we kiss, it will be so gentle, so beautiful and so unique, but it will be merely a kiss. An empty, lovelorn, kiss... It will signify the end of us.
When I first laid eyes upon you, a kiss is all I wanted. I knew this before I knew your name. I chose you, sweet hunter. I was hunting in secret. Yet, something unexpected happened. Our lives, our stories, our paths became entangled for a time and I found myself seeking in you something more than satisfaction. You... you are so much like me. So much of who you are is everything I used to be. I want to take care of you, but if I do I cannot give to you anything we desire... should we give in to our longing for a touch, a feeling, a broken citadel, it will all come crashing down. If we ever have a chance to work as a pair, we must not give in...
Our hearts may always race from self control.
Yes, if we took down our barriers and crossed the line it would signify our end. If I ever have a chance at real love, it will be with someone like you... still all I want to do is kiss you. All I can think about is what your lips would feel like as they caress my own. Warm, sweet...so soft and gentle, yet all at once filled with fiery passion...If this is giving up, then I�m giving up... I�m giving up on love.
Tonight I put myself out there for the taking and you turned away. I�m happy for you. Yet I can�t help but wonder if it�s because of your affections for me-- your hope for something greater in our pairing-- or if it�s because you�re walking away before we get in deeper.
These final days, they�re all that�s left. We stand together now at the beginning of our end. Our beautiful ending. It�s like glass being thrown against a stone wall. We are the glass, seeing through one another completely, floating through the air. There�s nothing below us, nothing above us. Time is propelling us forward. As we reach the stone, we brace for impact. Still we crack, it spiderwebs though our entire body, breaking us to pieces. The crash, the sound of breaking; It�s loud, it�s impossible to ignore and it�s so very beautiful. What once was whole and distinguishable is now nothing. All that remains is the glitter of what has come to pass, and rains down from the wall.
Time moves on.
A white mark of what was, still remains on the stone... but we are gone.
Life moves on.
As separated now as we can possibly be... Our end is near. Ever approaching, ever weighing down upon us. We are helpless. In the end, we are always helpless; powerless to time.
Sweet hunter, I�m giving up. Kiss me, hold me close, I�m yours. Tell me that I�m beautiful, I�m the world, your everything. Whisper that you want this night to last. Promise me I�m safe now. Make me fall for you.
The world I live in is crashing down around me. Another drink, another sigh, this is going to go the way we've tried to resist. Our self control will leave us alone now. If it�s what you want, It�s what you�ll get. I won�t fight it. You don�t have to lie, I know this game. I have played. Soon enough you won�t remember my name.
Kiss me... end this.
11:54 p.m. - 2009-08-02
Recent entries:
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They've taken a toll, these latter days - 2010-11-16
Written in the Winter of 2009 - 2010-09-19
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