Alway so enthusiastic, it�s like I�m compensating for something, but what? I�m not lacking masculinity considering it�s estrogen that courses through my body and drives my motives. �Are you satisfied with life?� No. What do I need? Affection, relationships-- no matter the kind-- people. I need people; a social network, but of all these, it�s affection I need most. I�m going to get it. Not from my hunter though. Not from him... It�d ruin what we have, after all.
Last night he, for the second time, stated how clearly he wants to keep what we have pure to preserve whatever shot we may have at someday being a couple; no matter how small of a shot that is. I was shocked by this. Since he was so adamant about it, I danced around and told him I suppose I could help him with that. I�d stop presenting him with tempting opportunities. Even if he loses interest in me we at least tried our best to make it work.
After we parted last night, I sent him a message asking if he really cared about not screwing things up between him and I. He told me yes and asked what brought that question on. "It's too good to be true." It was nothing against him, I just have little faith in the hearts of men. Too few are willing to make sacrifice over a small chance at something better; even if it�s the chance of a lifetime.
I know too many who seek little more than immediate satisfaction. To this, he responded, �I know, and trust me it is a huge urge that I have to fight every time we hang out. But, I don�t know, you never know what that future could hold. Even the underdogs win every now and then.�
10:28 p.m. - 2009-08-03
Recent entries:
Hello, Old Friend - 2017-02-13
Heads or Tails - 2011-01-21
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They've taken a toll, these latter days - 2010-11-16
Written in the Winter of 2009 - 2010-09-19
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