Wow. to link my arm around his...
He leans away, feigning sleep, I take his arm and pull him back. Without thought, my arm wraps around his, bringing our bodies close... this is the closest we�ve been. The closest we�ve allowed ourselves to be. I�m tense, waiting to see if it�s okay, if he�ll maneuver his way out of it, but he doesn�t. I gently lay my head on his shoulder. Why does it all have to be so perfect? Tomorrow I�m going to wake up and feel devastated that days from now, there will be an absence in my life where he once was...
No, right now, I�m thinking about his hand barely resting over mine. I�m thinking about the feel of his heartbeat faint against my cheek. I relax and run my fingers across his arm. I hope it�s okay...
At night's end, we begin yet another painfully perfect goodbye. My hunter, you walk me to the door and you wrap your arms around me; as much as you can just for fun, �I like it,� you say. I love it. I nestle my head into the crook of your neck as we hug... I think I�ve finally got it down. Hugging you is beginning to feel natural. We�re smiling and our faces are so close as we look into each other eyes... I look away. I hide my face in your shoulder again and this time you do the same. You breathe in my perfume, I feel it. We remain for a moment longer, drinking it in before I pull back, waiting for you to take your arms from around me, but they remain. I can always tell when you�re not ready to let go of me. I may waver and lean, but you stay steady, holding me as close as we�ll allow... but you can�t hold me forever and we know this. �another time, another place� I say with a sad smile as you let me go. A phrase that�s beginning to catch on in our goodbyes now. I turn away and open the door, you stand and wait for me to walk in the house. For heavens sake, this isn�t even my family�s home. I don�t technically live here, I�m staying with a friend who insists upon taking care of me... but I didn�t remember any of that until now. All that existed up until a moment ago was our time together. You. Me with you. It�s all so wonderful...
1:08 a.m. - 2009-08-04
Recent entries:
Hello, Old Friend - 2017-02-13
Heads or Tails - 2011-01-21
Kindness - 2010-12-03
They've taken a toll, these latter days - 2010-11-16
Written in the Winter of 2009 - 2010-09-19
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